I promised many months ago to share a very personal part of my pregnancy experience with you and now I feel is the time. I will preference this blog post by saying, there may be a few TMI moments here and there in the details…but I promised God that I would share the experience because it showed just how powerful He is and how He is the one in control not me, my hubby or anyone else. For those who don’t know, I am now 25 weeks pregnant and there are many things I’ve learned and many things I’m still trying to figure out. I have cut out all the fluff from this experience and just want to get to the nitty gritty, so I apologize if it seems blunt and factual, but I don’t know any other way to write it.
- The beginning of the journey
My husband and I had discussed when we wanted to start a family and we decided that the end of October/November would be a good time. We made this decision mainly because I was already 38 and in knowing the increased risks the older I got, we felt we need to get down with the nitty gritty (hee hee). After speaking with several older moms and my doctor, in August, I started taking folic acid to give my body a head start and I also stopped taking my birth control to ensure it was out of my system. Needless to say this prep work if you will was successful because we conceived at the end of October as we planned. The funny thing is I spent the entire month of November trying to convince my husband that I was pregnant. He just kept saying no, it’s too soon…you can’t be pregnant that fast lol. I finally took a pregnancy test the Sat after. thanksgiving thinking that was enough time to know for sure if I was or not. Low and behold I was right and it confirmed what I already knew lol. A woman knows her body and all the “pregnancy” signs of sore breasts and feeling tired, among other things had already set in. I shared the news with him and could see the shock on his face lol…honestly at this point I wasn’t quite sure if it was joy or just pure shock…but he said he was happy LOL.
- First trimester
I immediately called my OB to schedule an appt and they scheduled it for wk 7. (Dec. 10th). On that day hubby and I were able to see “Beanie” for the first time. At that time, we had decided to keep our news to ourselves until I made it through the first trimester because of the risk of miscarriage. We didn’t even tell our parents because they wanted a new Grand baby so bad. This was a good and bad decision for a few reasons. The first is because it gave us time to get used to the idea and to just enjoy the thought of being parents. To be honest, the idea of being parents, although we planned it, took a little time to really sink in. Second because it was fun keeping the secret. We did end up telling my brother so he could help keep my mother from finding out during the holidays…she can be pretty sneaky at times. We are really glad that we didn’t share it with a lot of people because we did end up having a miscarriage scare that shook us to the core.
- The Scare
I started spotting on Dec 28th and was placed on bed rest by my Doctor. Unfortunately, there is nothing they can do to prevent a miscarriage if it is happening. I have since learned that miscarriages are caused by something being off or not right, so as hard as it is to go through…it means something was already wrong with the fertilization/egg process.
Well, I was supposed to be traveling to my cousin’s wedding that weekend so we decided to tell my parents who were already there, so they could help explain to everyone else why I wasn’t there. We felt they could help explain without actually giving details. They were mostly concerned about me, but still hopeful that everything would be ok. Well, early that Sunday morning I passed a huge clotlike substance, at the time I really “thought” I had miscarried. Needless to say, hubby and I mourned all morning on Sunday, but then we decided that the best place for us would be at church. I have to tell you guys that this may seem strange to some but we are very strong in our faith and God has always been our refuge in our time of trouble. We are so very glad that we made this choice because God spoke to us very clearly on that day. He spoke to us individually and we both heard it loud and clear…He said just trust Him because He had everything under control. We left feeling an unbelievable sense of calm. We were both in shock and awe for lack of a better word because we couldn’t really explain how peaceful each of us felt. We decided after leaving church to run some errands and try to remember how blessed we were and to focus on what was important. Later that night, we were able to watch my cousin’s wedding via skype (don’t you love technology) and it was so beautiful. We decided not to mention what happened to my parents because we wanted them to focus on my Cousin and his wedding and just enjoy that time.
- God’s Promise
At the suggestion of the Dr. On Call the day before, we went to the doctor that Monday…assuming they would confirm what we knew and would determine if further steps were needed to finalize the miscarriage. Instead, the nurse practicioner discussed our options with us…since it was a holiday and all normal ultrasound centers were closed, we could either get blood work to determine our counts or we could go to the emergency room to get an ultrasound. I honestly didn’t think I could handle not seeing my baby in my stomach, so we decided to go the bloodwork route instead. After the test, we decided to finish our Christmas shopping (we were exchanging gifts on the 1st with my family) to get our minds off of it while we waited for the results. As we pulled up for lunch a few hours later, we got a call from a shocked nurse practitioner saying numbers were normal for my stage of pregnancy. They scheduled an ultrasound for the following Wed so we could make sure everything was really ok.
I can tell you this was one of the scariest moments of my life. The unknown was killing me…I was trying to remain strong but at the same time I wanted my baby so badly. My wonderful hubby was feeling the same way. We had planned to tell my family on the first and now we really had nothing to tell. We decided not to get our hopes up but at the same time we wanted to have faith that everything would be fine. We decided to just focus on the fact that we were blessed and that God promised us He would see us through.
We made the hard decision to go ahead and tell my family because we believe in the power of prayer and because we wanted to believe that God had the situation under control. We wanted to believe that everything would be fine and we wanted the family to hear it from us all at the same time. Now granted we honestly didn’t know what He meant by “He had it under control” but we wanted to have faith that that meant our baby would be fine. We decided to let them know what was going on, but I’m sure you can imagine the excitement of hearing we are pregnant and then the sudden let down and fear of hearing we may have miscarried. We asked for their prayers and informed them through all of our tears that we would know for sure the next day, but no matter what…God was in control and if we had miscarried that we were healthy and could always try again.
Well, I’m happy to report that the next day we went for the ultrasound and our baby girl was not only in there but she was measuring a day bigger than expected and she was very active. We were all overjoyed with the news that she was fine.
So as I stated earlier I am now 25 weeks. My pregnancy thus far has been a very enjoyable one. I didn’t experience morning sickness and although I did get tired I was never to the point of total exhaustion. I had a slightly elevated blood pressure, but they put me on a light med which has regulated that. I am sharing all of this with you because I promised God that I would and I want to use this experience as an example of how we must trust Him in all things, the good the bad and the ugly. Needless to say I will feel much better once Natalia is born, but I know that no matter what He is in control and won’t leave me/us. I feel Natalia move every day and with every kick and roll (despite this sometimes being a little painful) I thank God that she is active and alive. I think the entire experience brought me and my hubby not only closer to one another, but closer to God. It made us more thankful every day for Natalia’s existance. I can’t tell you what that blood clot-like thing was…the Doctor said it was probably just that a blood clot…only God knows and at the point I don’t really care. I just want other women/parents out there to know that what we see with our naked eye is not always what we believe it to be. This reminds me of many of the stories in the bible of things that visually made no sense but God said it was to be and it was.
What I learned through this experience is that my husband is a rock. I dont know what I would have done without him…but then again he was sent to me from God so now looking back I know God was giving me what I needed before I even knew it. I also know that God is in control and in all things we must trust Him because He does just what He says. That Sunday He spoke to both of us and let us know He had the situation under control. It’s hard to explain but it was unmistakable. We discussed it after church and both knew it.
For those on this pregnancy journey or trying to get on it, I can only say pray about your journey and give it to God. Try not to panic about every little thing that doesn’t happen as you feel it should because He has a plan and it may not align with yours. Be patient and ask Him what His plan is for your life. Our journey is not over but I am thankful for what He has blessed us with thus far.